The encounter with the Salt Lake County Sheriff's office at 2:30AM

Yep, 2:30 AM was the time that the fun really started at my apartment last night.  Okay so maybe I will back up a bit.  My roommates car was broken into last night at the Church building while she was fulfilling her calling.  The thugs had taken her bag that contained her knitting and some other stuff. (Did you picture the thug trying to knit...cause I'll be honest I did when she told me.)  So there's the background.

Around 2:10-2:15ish my dreams because very interesting.  I don't remember much but that the random door knocking and door bell ringing didn't belong with the rest of the dream.  Oh well, roll over and go back to sleep.  Knocking and ringing still commences.  I decided to go and check to see if it's our door. 

I get to the door, look out the peep hole and say to myself, "what a fine time to not put your glasses on."  Someone is standing there but details are very fuzzy.  Okay, lights have come on, whoever it is knows that you're up now.  Self, open the door with the chain still on and see who it is. (Why I didn't go and get my glasses then is still a mystery to me.)  Went to open the door, no luck turning the knob.  Oh yeah, deep moisture stuff on hands covered by socks.  No wonder you're like an idiot trying to open a door.  Took off the socks and opened the door. 

Mr Deputy:  "Well It looks like the chain works."
Me thinking:  "Great it looks like we both speak sarcasm in the morning.  At least we'll be able to understand each other."  I took off the chain and opened the door.
Mr Deputy:  "Are you Ellen?"
Me thinking:  "She's the good one, are you sure you're here for her."
Me:  "No, I'm not.  She's asleep."
Mr Deptuy:  "She's really not awake?"
Me thinking:  "Um, hello...it's 2:30 in the freakin' morning, Sir!"
Me:  "No, but I'll go and get her."

At this point I didn't know whether or not to let the man in my apartment.  It would be the proper thing to do but is proper appropriate at 2:30 in the morning.  So I let him in, why not be proper?  I turned to go wake Ellen up.

Mr Deputy: "Wow, this place is bigger than it looks."
Me:  "Yeah, we decided to put in two levels before we went to bed."
Me thinking:  "Self, really?!?! He has a gun, taser and handcuffs!  Don't say the first thing on your mind."

Me to Ellen:  "Ellen (while shaking her feet), Ellen.  There is a Sheriff Deputy here for you."
Ellen:  "What?!" 
Me thinking:  "Maybe you should work on your approach with news like this."

Ellen and I arrive back upstairs to talk to Mr. Deputy.  They go through the logistics of why he was there.  It involved Ellen calling a Detective back.  I loved Ellen's response to this, "Now?!"  And then the response of Mr. Deputy, "Well yes, you're up." Obviously...

So he's waiting for a response on his invisible earpiece and turns to Ellen and points at the wall:
Mr. Deputy:  "Is that an Aztec calendar."
Ellen:  "No, it's a Mayan calendar."
Me thinking:  "Great, we're small taking."
Mr. Deputy:  "So the world is going to end in 2012 according to that."
Me:  "Yeah, we've heard that."
Me thinking:  "So we're getting philosophical now?!"

Mr. Deputy then gets the number in his ear and gives it to Ellen with instructions to call tonight.  He then turns around to leave and sees the Christmas tree.

Mr. Deputy:  "Is that a ponderosa pine."
Ellen looks back at me
Me thinking:  "It's a Christmas tree (in complete sarcasm)."
Me:  "I'm not sure, it could be.  I know it came from the backwoods of Wyoming."
Mr. Deputy:  "I'm sure it is."
Me thinking:  "It could be a aspen for all I care...it's 3:00 in the morning!"

The proper, "thank you for your time" was offered by Mr. Deputy (to which I thought, "anytime, I was only sleeping!") and he left. After a quick call to the Detective we found out Ellen's stuff is now evidence and nothing can be done until they can release it. 

Things I learned from Mr. Deputy's visit, it is better for me to think my sarcastic comments than voice them, It is true that the law sleeps for no one and no one can sleep from the law, I really need to work on my blunt delevery to others at the wee morning hours, and always, always put glasses on first.