I finally made it to the grocery store on Saturday.
I hate grocery shopping...like lots and lots.
It's only been 8 weeks since I've been.
It was really not pretty in my cupboards and fridge.
I walked in and had my regular grocery store panic set in.
I walked out with milk, diet Pepsi, grapes and green olives.
I'm still debating whether I should consider that success or failure.
I had a post covering the craptastick week that was last week. But since rereading it, I have decided to go in a different direction. Last week was rough, very rough. But once again, I learned how strong I can be when I rely on the Lord. A part that made last week so rough was having to say goodbye to my Grandma Clement. She had the wonderful opportunity to leave the pains and trials of this earth life and move on to the next life. While it has been hard, I am so happy for her. There were so many strengthening moments for me, so many testimony builders. My testimony of the plan of salvation has grown so much in the last couple of days. One of the songs that the grandkids and great grandkids sang at my Grandma’s funeral is a new song that the Primary kids learned this year. I love the words of the song. It strengthens me. It also helps me keep all the other stuff that happened last week in check. It shares part of the Testimony of the Savior that I have. He is real to me!
I Know That My Savior Loves Me
A long time ago in a beautiful place,
Children were gathered ‘round Jesus.
He blessed and taught as they felt of His Love.
Each saw the tears on His face.
The love that He felt for His little ones
I know He feels for me.
I did not touch Him or sit on His knee,
Yet, Jesus is real to me.
I know He lives!
I will follow faithfully.
My heart I give to Him.
I know that my Savior loves me.
Now I am here in a beautiful place,
Learning the teachings of Jesus.
Parents and teachers will help guide the way,
Lighting my path ev’ry day.
Wrapped in the arms of my Savior’s love,
I feel His gentle touch.
Living each day, I will follow His way,
Home to my Father above.
I know He lives!
I will follow faithfully.
My heart I give to Him.
I know my Savior loves me!
I know my Savior loves me!
--Words and Music by Tami Jeppson Creamer and Derena Bell
“May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.”
Pray of St. Theresa
I had to work Saturday last week. That is out of my normal work week. I am a Monday through Friday worker. I know I am spoiled because I am used to this. I love my Saturdays. You know what working last Saturday has done to me? It has made me think today was Wednesday, hope it was Thursday and pray that it was Friday but be hit in the head with the realization that it is only Tuesday!
T and S this post is for you. :)
Now, on to the confessions!
1. My first grey hair was found. Boy howdy, not ready for that. Faster than you can say "frost me!" I made an appointment to bring the blonde back on top! It might be one hair but it is one that I am really not ready to accept. Hopefully it's a fluke!
2. Last month I got rid of my PO Box. That was one of the hardest things I have done. I got my PO Box when I was moving about every year. It was what I could commit to. Now that I've been at my current place of residency for 3 years, I decided it was time. Then I paid for it for 6 more months. Yeah, I have commitment issues. But now, I have it no more! I have turned in the key! Mail in one place...weird!
3. I am still fly paper for weird people. Normal ones too...but boy can I get some weird ones. My friends know this and sometimes stand back and watch just to laugh. Nice friends I have. :)
4. Sometimes I wish I had the attitude of the green M&M. And sometimes I do...
5. I am fascinated with Kat Von D. I love to watch LA Ink, well the tattooing part not the drama. I am fascinated with the stories behind tattoos.
6. I love being lulled to sleep at night by Michael Buble and Josh Groban. Sigh.
7. Sometimes when I am amidst a group of pigeons in a parking lot, I want to kick them. Run up behind them and just kick them. I am not a violent person but I wonder what would happen. But I have self control and haven't.
8. So one of my nieces may think that she might go to prison for littering. It may have come out in a conversation when she told me that only boys go to jail. Maybe it's a good thing I don't have children of my own, I seem to corrupt others just fine. :)
9. Work has been super stressful lately. So stressful that I am getting ready to name the dark circles under my eyes. I have learned something about myself. My first stress food is chocolate...it will always be. The one that tells me that I am beyond stressed are pickles. It hit me like a ton of bricks when I ate a whole jar for dinner one night.
10. I also have an addiction to Hot Tamales lately as well. I scored big time when I found the 51 serving size bag. I just count out my 20 in a baggie and I'm good for the day.
11. For some reason I get Lady Gaga songs stuck in my head. Even when I haven't listened to her all day long. The song that seems to always come up is Bad Romance. It just takes one rah...then it leads to another rah and before I know it, I'm at ah, ah, ah, Roma, roma, ma , Gaga, ooh, la, la, Want your bad romance...sing with me!
12. So when I was in San Francisco we found the hottest security guard working at Walgreen's. He has the looks of Mark Salling and the eyes of Matthew Bomer. Oh the eyes! I was never so happy to know that that was the only place I could find that sold Diet Pepsi. We just had to go get more for my addiction. He was so nice to look at.
13. My sushi budget was shot out of the water last month...by over 400%...um, not good!
14. I miss going to the gym every day. I loved the 2 hours I would spend there. But I can't seem to find the motivation to get back there. One of my fears is that I will let it overtake my life again. Why is it so hard to find balance!
15. Due to the stress at work lately, I decided that giving up Diet Pepsi was not the right time. So because I still believe a caffeinated HR is a happy HR I got back on the juice. I haven't looked back. Hopefully in the next couple of weeks it will slow down and I will back off of the happy drink and be caffeine free again.
So this Saturday I am going to go to a Young Single Adult activity. But every time I talk about it I laugh. Why might I be laughing? Let me share. They are holding this activity up at Solitude. Anyone else find that funny?
1 really nice sunburn from Bear Lake on Labor Day + Nightly dousing of vinegar to help with the stinging/burning = 3 nights of dreams about pickles.
You ready?
1. I wanted it to snow last week. Really I did. Only one day...then it could go back to turning into fall. But that one day, I finally had to stick my head in the freezer to get the feeling to pass. Then I got over it.
2. On that day that I wanted it to snow I was also ready for a bit of Christmas cheer. So guess who broke out her Christmas CDs. Okay so I didn't break them out because they are in Wyoming at my parents house...I'll be bringing them back with me this weekend. But for the record I only listened for one day and then I went back on my Glee spree.
3. I am a Glee(k).
4. I don't consider myself high maintenance. My laundry on the other hand...very high maintenance. I takes me at least 15 minutes to sort it out. When did I buy so many clothes that no longer can just be washed and dried. What's up with this gentle cycle, line dry but if you feel inclined maybe dry in the dryer for the last 15 minutes of it's drying life. Seriously...I need to read the labels before I try things on.
5. I want to go school clothes shopping every year at this time. Sad thing is, I really don't need any more clothes. I go shopping all the time. But this time of year I really want to go. I've only been out twice this week...that's pretty good if I do say so myself.
6. I am ready for a new season. Summer started out excellent held strong through my San Francisco trip and then bombed big time for me. So, I'm ready to move on and try fall out. I need change.
7. I love sushi. I crave it all the time. I have to set myself on a Sushi budget. Oh I want it now.
8. I also love San Francisco. More than New York City. I've looked at jobs there...but not seriously yet. Maybe in the future though...
9. I've been cutting back on my Diet Pepsi...it has not been fun for me or my coworkers. I pray for them daily.
10. I bought a new car in the spring. I love it. It has a sun roof and heated seats. However, I do miss my truck. I miss it a lot. Good thing I still own it. It's just in a different state. I just can't get up the nerve to sell it yet. It's been the longest running relationship I have ever had. How sad is that! (don't answer that.)
11. I own a hot pink hard hat and matching tool belt. Oh yeah....
Wow I feel much better now.
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." - Dale Carnegie
So I've thought about his post many times. I have ranged from madder than a hornet just post it with all the rage and bad words you are thinking to don't even bother, it's not worth it in the long run. So I am going to attempt to post this in the nicest way possible to make me feel better. Worried or concerned yet? :)
So in the last month I have had a great increase in the number of comments about my single state. The one that sent me over the edge was, "So are you trying to stay single." I don't even remember who said it, I just remember it was at work. Now because I didn't want to promote workplace violence I grabbed the hand that was going to hit the person, covered my mouth to prevent the flying of words and stomped back to my office. There are so many things I wish I would have said to this person at the time that would have made me feel better but I didn't. I cried instead.
The fact is, yes I am still single. The fact also is, I didn't plan for this. My dream growing up was to get married young and to have a family and enjoy raising the kids and be the perfect house wife. Funny, that is still my dream...except the married young part. I never wanted to be in my late 20s living with wonderful roommates and learning how to live life on my own. However, now that I am here I am trying to make the most of the situation. I do hope that one day I will find a great guy that will want to stick around and stay with me for eternity. A family would be a wonderful blessing as well. One day...I really hope this comes true. I am still a normal functioning person, please treat me as such.
So at the end of this post I just want to say, be nice to your single friends. Try to refrain from telling them to be grateful that they don't have a spouse to argue with or out of control kids to deal with. Cause I'm here to tell you, some days I would love that to deal with. Give them a hug and tell them to keep going. Give them hope that thing will work out in the end.
"I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful."
Amen, Bob. Amen.
So I went to my singles ward yesterday to attend my church meetings. I have a really awesome ward and look forward to going to church each week. The fact that I am able to make it there on time every week speaks truth to that.
So off I headed to Sunday School to get my weekly dose of the Old Testament learning. We were learning about David and Bath-sheba and all that goes along with that story. I'm listening, but I start looking at the design on the shirt of the girl sitting in front of me. It was fun; so many things going on with it. There were some vested rabbits, flowers, people. It was very artsy looking. Then I looked a bit closer at the people. There were no clothes on the women. The men had strategically placed draped cloth. I thought I was seeing things wrong...double check...nope still seeing naked women, on the shirt, in church. At this point the questions from the teacher and the comments from the class all combined to keep my head spinning with sarcastic comments.
Teacher: "What do you do when an unclean thought or image enters your mind?"
Class member: "I like to sing a hymn."
Me thinking: "Sing a hymn, right. We are all enlisted till the conflict is or', happy are we (stifled snicker) happy are we (stifled snicker). Yeah, not working. Hymn choice? Possibly."
Class member: "I like to make eye contact with someone that will divert my attention."
Me: "Hey Ellen, I need to stare at you for a minute, cause that girl has naked girls on her shirt. Oh crap, I just polluted your mind too."
Class member: "Sometimes I just need to remove myself from the situation."
Me thinking: "Great I'm on the wrong end of a row...either I trip over 5 people to get away from the shirt or I find another distraction. Gosh dang, fleeing from church is hard to do."
Teacher: "Do you find that you sometimes have to avoid certain places to keep your thoughts pure?"
Me thinking: "Yes, I just added Sunday School to that list. I thought church would be the right place to keep my thoughts pure but nnnnnnnoooooooo."
The class continued for 30 more minutes....
I tried so hard to not laugh at the whole situation, which for the record didn't work. I still laughed mostly at the irony of it all. I finally had to put my head in my hands and listen with my ears...which is very hard for me to do.
I watched this video clip last Friday. Life seems to be kicking me lately (as I'm sure it is with most everyone) and this hit home...hard. I have watched it many times and every time it brings me to tears. I love Elder Hollands calm voice. It brings me comfort and reassurance. I love the words at the end of the clip. They bring peace and hope to me.
"Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ they come. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come."
"Hello Carolynn, I knew you were home. I could tell by the way you stir your chocolate milk."
I said thanks and just laughed. Glad my Grandma can pick my chocolate milk stir out of a line up. Tomorrow morning I'm going to stir backwards.
I saw my Grandma Norton this morning. She paid me a great compliment. "Hello, Carolynn. I knew you were here. I heard you laugh." I said thank you very much before I could find out if it was a compliment or not. Love her! :)
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet a success unexpected in common hours." Henry David Thoreau
I'm working on this. I am doing better today than I was a month ago. How are you doing?
PS. Thanks Heidi, for having this on your graduation announcement...congrats on graduation from HS!
I went to Moab last week with my singles ward. It was tons of fun. We camped. (This term is used loosely because we had showers and flushing facilities. Also we were right next to the road. So basically our form of "camping" was a sleeping bag and a tent.) There were so many things to do but I only enjoyed a couple of them. The first one was Dead Horse Point. Beautiful, very beautiful. We were there at sunset. To get there we had to pass through a couple of herds of cows that were grazing. One of them was on the road and wouldn't move. We honked, we yelled. Nothing, they were not moving. So I, in all of my glory stuck my head out the window and moo'd. Yep, I moo'd. I was pretty sure I was never going to speak another language in my life, until the cows started running off the road. Who would have thought.
So let me share it with you. :)
"Anyone who imagines bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he's been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time rail journey...delays, side-tracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas, and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride." Jenkins Lloyd Jones as quoted by Pres. Hinckley
Thanks for keeping me company on my drive to SV tonight. You never cease to keep me entertained. Like when we went from Pink to Chris Ledoux. Then we went from some Billy Joel to Newsies then on to Linkin Park. It's never a dull moment with you around. :)
I just walked my Dad through sending his first "attachment" e-mail via the phone. He did well! Only a few, "What the's?". Yay to him! Just wanted to share. :)
I am spending a weekend in Wyoming. I must have had too much time alone tonight to think and didn’t want to think too hard so these are the things that I kept coming back to.
1. Why do I always feel like I have entered a completely different country when I get out of my truck in Evanston. Seriously, sometimes I feel like a passport is needed or a warning sign. Especially at Walmart. I heard a lady use the sentence, “I need to beautify myself” as she was headed to the makeup section of Walmart. It’s always an experience. I never get this feeling in Star Valley. Maybe because I know most people here or because I choose not to see it.
2. Why is my bladder timed to need to go when I hit certain towns? I can go up to 6 hours between restroom trips on a normal day but when driving to SV there are certain triggers. I get to the off ramp of I-80 in Evanston and suddenly I have to go. It’s barley been an hour! Then I get to the last corner coming into Cokeville and suddenly I have to go. Once again…it’s barely been an hour! Then I come around the corner of my parents subdivision and feel like I am sliding into home plate as I throw my truck into park, tuck and roll, run into the house and plow over old people and young people alike to make it to the restroom. Once again, it’s barely been under an hour!
C. Why is it that I can’t talk myself into bringing any less than four pair of shoes for a trip that will be less than 48 hours. I tried and tried and tired. I talked myself down to four. How sad is that. For a trip that lasts over 2 days I have a separate bag for my shoes. Why was this on my mind during the drive? Well I’ll tell you, it’s because I had to tell myself that my purple ballet flats will be the perfect shoes for church instead of my black heals, even though the hills make my calves look better. And I really didn’t need my cowboy boots for this weekend…I’m not planning on riding a horse or going to a rodeo, comfy shoes are okay.
So there you have my 3 hour drive that was full of light thinking.
So on Monday I went to Maverik to get my favorite beverage on ice. I had only had about 3 1/2 hours of sleep that night/morning and needed to stay awake a bit longer before I gave in to sleep for the night. So I approached the clerk at the counter and peeled my fingers off of my diet Pepsi to find my money to pay for my drink. The total popped up to $1.16 and I gave the guy $1.21. This is when it got interesting.
Mr. Maverik Sales Guy - "So would you like to donate your nickle to Hades?"
Me thinking - "Did I hear him correct? Isn't Hades the Greek God of the underworld?"
Me talking - "You mean Haiti?"
Mr. Maverik Sales Guy - "No, Hades."
Me thinking - "I know I'm tired, but really, that is the the Greek God of the underworld."
Mr. Maverik Sales Guy - "You know the place that had those earthquakes."
Me thinking - "I don't doubt that there might be earthquakes where Hades is."
Mr. Maverik Sales Guy - "So about your nickle, do you want to donate it?"
I couldn't keep a straight face at this point and gave a quick nod to add my donation to the "Hades" donations. So either I added another donation to Haiti or I just gave a down payment to the undertaker of my soul. Either way, someone wins.
So yesterday when I was asked the same question by the same clerk, about my nickle I just shook my head yes and left chuckling. I'm up to 10 cents in the positive to Hades.
"People are often unreasonable and self centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end it is between you and God. It never was between you and them anyway."
I have been doing lots of thinking over the last...well for a long time. I feel I need to put a few things out there for current and future people that want to get to know the real me, to help you understand me a bit better.
I am a very unique person. I have many, many layers to break through in order to get to know the full me. Some people have layers that they refer to as petals...well my layers are not so delicate to break through as petals. No, my layers are concrete reinforced barriers that take time to break through to get to the next layer. Many people don't want to take the time to get through those to find out more about me. I wish I could share with you all that has happened in my life to create those barriers. One day if you ask and if the timing is right, I might share some of them with you.
I love to laugh. I am a firm believer that laughter can heal all wounds. I would not be able to make it though a day without laughter. I know this and search for reasons to laugh...even at myself. I think I am a funny person. I can say some pretty witty things. Some might not understand my humor at first but give it a chance and maybe you might laugh with me too. Even through all of the hard times as long as I laughed I knew things would be okay.
I really truly care about the people in my life. Even passing strangers fit this. I try to treat people the same way that I would like to be treated. I meet may wonderfully strange people through this. I know that past experiences I have had with people in my life have helped me to look past outward appearances and try to see what people are truly are on the inside.
In one on one situations you may think that I am very cold and harsh. Because of those barriers I have created I take a while to warm up. I love to find out all the barriers with the people I am with before I show my true colors. I have the need to please people and sometimes I need to make sure I will not offend some one new before I start cracking one liners. I have been told over and over that I make a miserable first impression...and second...and even third. I guess it depends on how fast I can feel comfortable around you. I will still care about you even if you don't want to stick around past the third time...or even to the third time.
I may not fit the profile of a model but I do try with what I have. Please don't form an opinion before you try to find out where I have come from and where I plan on going. Health and exercise is very important to me. I also know that genetics work against me in more ways than I really want to know. I try hard and work with what I have.
I am very stubborn. I love to try new things and master them. I have a perfectionist side that makes me keep trying in order to achieve it. Learning and growing is a constant in my life. Becoming better continually is something I really strive for.
I have a strong testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It is the center of my life. My testimony has been strengthened with all that I have been through. I know that Christ carries me through most of my life. My life is lived around my beliefs and I will not change that to please anyone. Being true to myself and my Heavenly Father is more important that being part of the in crowd.
I think I am an okay person. You might be surprised in what you find if you invest a bit of time to get to know me. Hopefully this helps a bit in that process.
